I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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