she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
