So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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