The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
