By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have fence marks all over my body
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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