i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
