I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
