when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize