My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
