I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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