I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
