If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just want nice things and good sex
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
