i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a burrito and a hug.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
