yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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