Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize