did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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