I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
