im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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