No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
