Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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