I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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