You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
