I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
