wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
farters have to be the big spoon...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm too high and old for this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
