I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
