I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
