nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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