He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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