Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
