glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize