We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
