Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
