My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
