What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
