yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
