Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
