i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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