Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
