U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
