dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
