yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
