Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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