): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
