just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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