u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
