why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize