I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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