I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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