please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
