I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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