Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
