This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wish my penis had a tongue
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
