Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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