i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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