If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
two words...techno handjob
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
