You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
