There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
