Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
