just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
