fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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