i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
