He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
