My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
