fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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