True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
