Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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