She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
