Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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