I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
