the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
