my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
