take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
