I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think your dad took our porno
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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