Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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